The Top Twenty -two Reasons Why I'm Glad That My Riding Mower Broke

Yes, it happened again for the 10th spring in a row: my riding mower doesn't work. So....I grabbed the new push mower; mowed our back yard and the entire back of the local dentist's yard and I feel great. And here's "The Top 22 Reasons Why I'm Glad That My Riding Mower Broke:
#22. This change in attitude is just one more positive side-effect of my medication.
#21. Read somewhere that strenuous exercise and breathing in dandelion fuzzies makes your beard grow faster.
#20. Getting in shape for Australia!
#19. Afterwards, can work on conquering the constant temptation to steal my mom's wheelchair when she is asleep.
#18. No longer have to worry about both back tires being equally inflated.
#17. No longer have to slow down for animals and small children, they can all outrun me now.
#16. No longer have to use a trim mower to mow the trim - its all trim.
#15. No longer have to move the trash barrel to mow around it.
#14. Gives Charlotte one more reason to tell her friends, "What dad, mine is still missing in action from the Civil War."
#13. Don't have to get off the mower to keep from flinging little metal cars like shrapnel.
#12. Working on a one-pack ab.
#11. Can legitimately take water breaks.
#10. With that little gas tank you can fill it up more often and smell that really cool, sweet smell of refined hydrocarbons.
#9. Ah, to be in the great outdoors....much longer.
#8. When you are just 1/4 of the way done you can look back on what you have accomplished with great satisfaction.
#7. Haven't felt that kind of burn since I was 19.
#6. No longer have to worry about annoying neighbors asking to borrow your mower.
#5. Gives my students just one more reason to turn to cousin Bubby and say, "Yip, that's my history teacher!"
#4. I can really lay a guilt trip on Noah by saying, "That's ok, I'll just do it myself."
#3. Noah can tell his kids someday, "Yes, children when I was 14 we didn't have a riding mower."
#2. I can tell my grandkids, "Yes, grandchildren when I was 52, we didn't have a riding mower."
#1. I can add "Precision Mowing" to my resume.